Little Laughter, Bit of Soap
by Heart of Spellz
Summary: Of course he can find Remus. The brave, handsome, charming Sirius Black can do whatever he sets his mind to. Doesn't matter he's running round like a headless, panicked house elf, or that the entire castle seems to have gone mad. He can do it; he will.


Title: Little Laughter, Bit of Soap

Art: may_g's Bath: shaggydog-swap .livejournal .com /11847 .html

Word Count: ~7,200

Rating: NC-17

Contains: Sexual situations, random stupidity, general silliness, and horrible rhymes

Summary: Of course he can find Remus Lupin. The brave, handsome, charming Sirius Black can do whatever he sets his mind to. Doesn't matter that he's running round like a headless, panicked house elf, or that the entire castle seems to have gone mad. He _can_ do it; he will.

Notes/comments: I wave the white flag; I give up. Two months I spent trying to think up an idea for this thing. And it's all just…ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. Then it did not want to be titled. Basically refused until I had to force a title on the stupid thing. Which, by the way, I send many a thanks out to mypretty_art for the help and inspiration which was: Soap is to the body as laughter is to the soul. – Yiddish Proverb. And another giant handful of thanks to acidbathory for the beta job. Angel, she is. I hope someone actually enjoys this. I'm still a bit 'eh' about the entire thing. Also, the heart attack comment…I had to, I'm sorry. Couldn't resist. Also, if you see any weird i's or b's, they're probably from the HTML codes. I tried to remove all of them, but I'm sure I missed some. Sorry.

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><p><em><strong>Little Laughter, Bit of Soap<strong>_

Sirius flopped over in the bed and snuffled his nose into the pillow, searching out the scent that always made his heart flutter like a silly first year girl's, not that he'd ever tell James or Pete that. When he found it, his lips slowly pulled up into a sleepy, soppy smile and he inhaled deeply. The smell of crisp autumn leaves, soap, and the smallest hint of chocolate travelled up his nose and straight to his very core, causing his stomach to flip pleasantly.

With his eyes still closed, Sirius reached out and attempted to locate the source of that scent. What he found instead was the soft sound of crunching and the rough edges of a small piece of parchment. Sirius opened his eyes and stared in bleary disgruntlement at the empty space of bed beside him and the note that had taken his company's place.

Pushing himself up on one elbow, Sirius reached over and picked up the parchment, blinking rapidly to clear his vision. His smile quickly returned as he read over the small, looping letters.

_Good morning, love,_

_I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke, but I have something I need to attend to this morning. When you manage to pull your lazy arse out of bed, how about a bit of a game?_

_Search down below and you'll find what you seek. I may be hidden from sight, but not at all very meek._

_Find the clues, Pads, and you'll find me._

_I feel as though there is something I am forgetting. Something quite important, actually. Let's see, what could it have possibly been? What was it? What was –? Oh, right, yes, I remember now. Happy birthday, you rotten, loveable mutt._

_-Moony_

_P.S. And, yes, though it may very well be lazy, it is still quite an appealing arse. Keep your knickers out of their twist, Pads. It's unbecoming._

Sirius took another brief moment to let his eyes linger on the name signed at the bottom before he was shoving himself upright and throwing the hangings around his bed back. In less than ten minutes, Sirius was ready, bounding out of the dorm and down to the common room in search of his next clue.

Coming to the base of the stairs, Sirius stopped suddenly, his body rocking back and forth from the force, and allowed his eyes to rove the room. Logically, his brain told him that 'down below' could mean absolutely anywhere in the castle, but he figured that the common room was the best place to start. If it wasn't there, then Sirius would just continue to work his way down until he found the bloody thing.

Spying Peter as the boy climbed through the portrait hole, Sirius raced towards him. He hooked his arm around the boy's shoulders, dragging him the remainder of the way out, Peter's feet clunking loudly against the floor. Peter yelped in surprise as he felt the pressure and proceeded to try and wrestle his way out of Sirius' grip.

"Would you stop doing that, Padfoot?" he said once he was loose, cursing softly under his breath. "One day you're going to give me a heart attack and then you'll be chucked into Azkaban for murder. How will you feel then?"

Sirius barked out a laugh as he hit Peter's arm gently. "Me, Wormtail?" he scoffed. "Never."

Peter rolled his eyes and flopped himself down in an armchair. "Well, happy birthday, I suppose, not that you deserve it, mind you."

Sirius snorted. "You don't deserve lots of things, but we still give 'em to you," he countered.

"Like what?" Peter demanded loudly. "Dealing with you and James, I think I deserve everything I ever want and more."

"You love it and you know it," Sirius said dismissively, waving the boy off. "Listen, did Remus leave anything with you?"

"No. Should he have?" Peter asked, cocking an eyebrow. "You haven't seen him, have you? I've been looking for him most of the morning."

Sirius sighed and slumped down onto the sofa. "No, I haven't. He was gone when I woke up," he answered dolefully, fishing the note out of his pocket and handing it to Peter. "It was worth a try asking, at least. He's sending me on a hunt round the castle for clues."

Peter's face scrunched up in mild disgust as his eyes travelled over the words. "Girls, the both of you," he quipped. "Having problems finding the next clue?"

"I've only just started," Sirius told him. "The thing could be anywhere in the castle, though." He leaned against the back of the sofa and propped his feet up on the coffee table. "What's he on about, making me work?"

Peter's brow had furrowed as his eyes continued to slide over the note. "You know," he began, "Moony's all about making us think. Says we don't do it enough or something. Maybe he meant this as something different than below the dorm." At Sirius' blank look, Peter rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. "Something a bit more _literal_."

Sirius was still quite confused, but one glance from Peter at his trousers and inspiration dawned across Sirius' mind like a new day. He shifted a bit in his seat and felt something slightly odd that he had previously been ignoring. Quick as a spell, Sirius was shoving his hand down past the waistband of both his trousers and his pants, searching for the oddity. Peter, seeing this, released an unintelligible shriek and quickly turned his head away, shouting a loud "Sirius!" as he did so.

Sirius' hand returned from its search, clutching a small piece of rolled parchment. "Aha! What? It isn't like anyone's paying attention to me," he told a shocked Peter. Unfortunately, this wasn't necessarily true. Most of the school tended to always watch the Marauders, both wary and excited about anything they may be up to at any given time. Even then, most of the eyes in the common room were focused on Sirius' antics.

Peter huffed and turned back to Sirius, staring at him incredulously. "Did you not –?" he attempted to ask, motioning to the lower portion of Sirius' body pathetically. Sirius' eyebrows rose in bemusement and Peter stopped, shaking his head. "You know what? Never mind. I don't think I want to know." Sirius shrugged and unrolled his parchment, reading over the clue. Peter waited in silence for a few moments before he finally said, "Well. What does it say?"

Sirius cleared his throat and read, "Nestled away, up in the rafters, but watch your head; they don't know what you're after."

"Know where that's at?" Peter asked curiously.

"I think I do," Sirius replied with a small smirk. "I'll see you later, Pete."

Peter waved goodbye and wished him luck, but just before Sirius climbed through the portrait hole, he turned back to his friend and asked, "Why've you been looking for Remus?"

"Oh, er…" Peter said in surprise. "Charm's essay. Need a bit of help with it."

Sirius, however, was already shaking his head and Peter stared at him in puzzlement. "No. My birthday, my Moony," he stated selfishly and Peter snorted.

"According to you, he's always your Moony," Peter said. "If James and I ever listened, we'd never get any time with Remus."

"And that'd be just the way I'd like it," Sirius retorted and Peter threw a pillow at him, shooing him out of the room.

Sirius began to whistle as the portrait closed behind him and he started his trek through the castle. Not too far along his way, he came across Mrs. Norris. Her fur was a bit ruffled and she was wearing a very lovely party hat. Sirius thought this rather odd, but he assumed that it was possible that Filch had a new kink. If that be the case, then so be it, he figured. Better that than the chain and thumb thing. The cat hissed when she saw him and Sirius paused in his tune to release a loud bark at the feline, which sent her scurrying in the opposite direction. Sirius chuckled in amusement and continued on his way, a slight spring in his step.

Soon after, Sirius arrived at the entrance to his destination and he quickly hurried up the tight spiral of stairs. Hoots and soft screeches met his ears as he entered the Owlery and he craned his neck up to look at the rafters. Up towards the top, a solid black owl sat, its large eyes studying Sirius curiously, a small roll of parchment tied to its leg. Sirius whistled softly to the bird and it quickly soared down to meet him in the centre of the room. Sirius smiled as he untied the parchment and cooed to the animal reassuringly.

As the bird took flight back to the rafters, Sirius mused over how Remus could have done this part. He must have had a bit of help. Owls weren't very trusting of the werewolf, and the few times Remus had daringly ventured into their home, it had looked like an air raid attack, resulting in a highly agitated and rather smelly Remus Lupin. Sirius assumed that such a thing was the animals' main form of defence.

Taking his leave of the creatures, Sirius unrolled the parchment as he made his way down the stone stairs and read his new clue.

_Somewhere in the castle lurks a loud-mouth prat, who's easily distracted and engages in daily red-haired combat._

Sirius smirked to himself as he emerged from the Owlery entrance and trotted down the corridor. This was his easiest clue so far. Either Remus was losing his touch, or he was a bit put out with James. Sirius guessed it was the latter, but it didn't matter. All he had to do was find his friend, which would be much easier if he had the Map. Considering this, Sirius thought about how much easier this entire thing would have been if he'd had that very thing. All he'd have to do was look at it and find Remus. Sirius assumed that meant that wherever Remus was, the Map was also with him. Pity, that, but at least this was fun.

Rounding a corner in the corridor, Sirius stumbled across a slumped and panting Frank Longbottom.

"'Lo, Frank," Sirius greeted, studying his friend curiously. "All right?"

"Sirius!" Frank exclaimed, leaping to his feet. "What, um – what are you doing here?"

Sirius shrugged. "Looking for Potter. Haven't seen him, have you?"

"Have, actually," Frank replied, stepping forward so that Sirius and he were almost chest to chest. "He was in the Charms' corridor 'bout twenty minutes ago."

"Ah," Sirius said simply, his eyebrows rising. "Frank?"

"Yeah, Sirius?"

"Any particular reason you're standing on my foot?" asked Sirius, providing said foot with a small wiggle.

Frank's face coloured red as he moved his own foot. "There, er, there is, actually. Well, not the standing-on-your-foot part. I meant the, um, the – the closeness part," he rambled and Sirius' eyes widened the more his friend spoke. "I've, I've, er – Well, Sirius, the simple truth is that I've taken a bit of a fancy to you."

"Right," Sirius said, his eyes turning upwards as he attempted to process the new information. "'M not sure how Remus will take this. Or Alice, for that matter."

Frank fidgeted a bit. "Surprisingly all right with it, she is."

Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "Well," he mumbled, only slightly lost for words, "all right then. Can't say I've ever really thought about you like that, mate. No offence, of course."

"Oh, definitely not," Frank said in agreement.

They stood in silence for a brief moment, Sirius idly twiddling his thumbs behind his back and Frank rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. Sirius' eyes gazed around the empty corridor and as they did so, he noticed something rather…odd.

"Frank?"

"Yes, Sirius?" Frank said curiously.

"Would you happen to be aware that your arse is smoking?" Sirius asked.

Frank swallowed. "Well, I – No, I wasn't, but, um…thank you?"

"No, no," Sirius said, shaking his head in exasperation. "You are i_literally_/i smoking." He motioned to Frank's backside.

Frank craned his head around to look at his back. Suddenly, he was jumping down the corridor, squealing in panic. As he moved, Sirius caught sight of what was on the floor behind his friend.

"Never mind," he called, just as Frank was beginning to shake his robes out. "It isn't you, it's your box. Why do you have a smoking box?"

Frank froze mid-shake and glanced around at Sirius. "Oh, that?" he said as he straightened, his eyes darting from side to side. "It's a, um…it's just a box of Blast-Ended Skrewts. For Hagrid. Asked me to keep an eye on them for a bit."

"Ah, right," Sirius said as he gazed at the lightly smoking crate. "Well, I'm off to find James. Good luck with your skrewts!"

Frank waved him off and Sirius trotted down the corridor, rounding the corner towards a staircase. As he did so, he missed the sight of Frank collapsing to the floor in relief.

_Nice__bloke,__that__Frank__Longbottom,_ Sirius mused as he made his way down to the Charms' corridor. _Bit__odd,__but__an__all__right__sort._

As Sirius walked past the Charms classroom, he began to whistle again. Rather soon, however, he was forced to stop as he heard a loud bang, followed by a mighty thump from a nearby room. A door was immediately thrown open and a large blob of colourful paper was flung into the middle of the corridor, a dark cloud of green smoke following close behind.

Sirius stared at it in curious bemusement for a short moment before he shrugged and continued on his way. Remus was waiting, after all. Just as he was passing by the monstrosity, however, it began to move and Sirius stopped to watch in fascination.

The paper rose to human height and shook a bit. As it did, an eye became visible beneath the paper. A very wide hazel eye.

"James?" Sirius asked in surprise.

"…Lily?" James replied.

"In what bloody world do I look even remotely like Evans?" protested Sirius heatedly.

"Well, I don't know, do I?" James cried as Sirius seethed. "I lost my eyes somewhere in all this blasted paper. Your shirt's red, at least, and seeing as everything's blurry to me at the moment, I think I may deserve a bit of a break."

"My shirt isn't red," Sirius corrected, "it's black."

James' eye turned puzzled. "Trousers, then?" His paper form shook slightly. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, mate, but red trousers are rather unfashionable."

Sirius snorted. "I'm not wearing anything red, James."

"Then what in Merlin's name am I looking at?" he exclaimed.

"A tapestry, Prongs," Sirius sighed in weary exasperation. "You're looking at a tapestry."

They stood in silence for a long time before James finally responded, "Oh, well…fair enough then, I suppose."

Sirius shook his head and scrubbed at his eyes roughly. "What were you doing, anyhow?" He paused, and took a tentative step forward, examining the paper a bit closer. "Is that…_crepe_ paper?"

James hung his head as though shamed. "It is," he admitted dejectedly. Sirius raised his eyebrows in question and the paper rustled as it lowered, seemingly as though James had physically deflated. "I was trying to make something," he began to explain, "and it was coming along well enough. Then I heard you whistling and I got excited, thinking that it might be Lily. I dropped the wrong ingredient, and then my potion blew up. Next thing I know, I'm covered in this –" The sides of the paper blob rose up and down, and Sirius assumed that James was flapping his arms, but he really couldn't be all that sure. "– and being chased by the foulest smelling smoke in all of existence."

Sirius just stared in bewilderment. "I don't even know what to say to that," he muttered. James heaved a very long, very paper rustling sigh. "So, the potion?" Sirius asked. He saw one lone eyebrow rise through James' paper coating. "Do I even want to know?"

The paper rose and fell again, closer to the shoulders than before. "Probably for the best if you don't," James replied casually.

"Right," Sirius said. "Moony leave anything for me?"

James' eye widened again. "Er…oh, right," he said sheepishly as the paper began to rustle again. "Think I was supposed to hide this, but, well…you know, Lily and all…" The paper was beginning to move – and vigorously at that – and Sirius became both curious and immensely excited that he was about to witness the creation of Baby Blob. "Um, here. No, wait, er…hang on…Right, yes, there we go – Ah! Let go, you bloody crepe! Um, yeah…Aha! There, note from Moony!" James' hand suddenly emerged rather forcefully from within the paper and Sirius jumped slightly in shock before accepting the parchment.

"Thanks, Prongs!" Sirius said. "And don't worry. I'm sure you did exactly what Remus wanted you to do." He patted in the general vicinity of James' head before he turned and made his way back up the corridor. One side of the paper blob flapped at him in a waving motion as he departed.

Pausing at a high window with a bench placed beneath it, Sirius sat down and opened his latest clue.

_Hidden in a room many never see, you will find the thing that will lead to your glee. Just take a few steps and don't be shy; ask for the place where love hangs high._

Sirius' brow furrowed as his eyes read over the hand-written words. Apparently, Remus hadn't lost his touch after all. Sirius was, in all honesty, quite befuddled.

Slumping back against the wall, Sirius huffed out a sigh, blowing his fringe from his eyes. It promptly fell back into place and Sirius eyed it in distaste.

_Why__do__I__keep__it__so__long?_ Sirius thought idly to himself. _It__'__s__nothing__but__an__aggravation.__Ought__to__just__chop__it__all__off__at__the__roots.__Then__again,__Moony__likes__it.__Says__it__'__s__easier__to__ – __No!__No._ Sirius cut his own mind off and redirected his thoughts. _That__is__not__the__problem__at__hand.__Remus.__Clues.__Yes,__right._

"Now how the bloody hell does one go about finding a sorta somewhat invisible room that's got little Cupids flying everywhere?" Sirius asked himself irritably. After a moment of thought brought him no answers, Sirius released a low growl and shoved himself off the bench. He set himself in the direction of Gryffindor Tower, deciding if he couldn't solve his clue, the least he could do would be to search the dorm for the Map and hope that Remus had forgotten it. Sirius snorted. _Not__much__chance__of__that,_ he thought.

He didn't understand why Remus hadn't just _told_ Sirius where to go. It would have been so much easier, though probably not nearly as much fun for Remus. The plonker was no doubt sitting around somewhere, watching every move Sirius made. As though fully expectant of this, Sirius' eyes jerked up to study the ceiling. Finding nothing, Sirius shrugged, unrepentant. He most certainly wouldn't put such a thing past the impish werewolf.

As he mounted the staircase leading to the seventh floor, Sirius pulled his clue back out and read over it once more. The thing made no more sense than it had five minutes before. At this rate, he was going to waste his entire birthday searching for Remus and none of it actually _with_ him.

Sirius sighed and mused over the words of the clue again. _…__a__room__many__never__see__…_ He paused in front of a blank stretch of wall as he squinted in thought. _This__shouldn__'__t__be__this__difficult,_ he thought to himself as he leaned his shoulders against the stone. _It__'__s__obvious__I__'__m__supposed__to__know__what__this__room__is._ He watched the tapestry across the corridor and his lips quirked up in faint amusement as a troll attempted to pirouette and fell forward onto its face. _…__where__love__hangs__high._ Sirius was particularly fond of this tapestry. He was under the impression that there was little else that was funnier than a group of trolls trying to form a ballet. More often than not, Remus had to physically drag Sirius away anytime they came…

Sirius' eyes widened and he leapt away from the wall as sudden inspiration hit like a Stupefy. "Just take a few steps and don't be shy; _ask__for__the__place_!" he crowed in delight, pumping his fist in the air dramatically. "Ha! Can't thwart me, Remus John Lupin!"

Sirius quickly began his back and forth pacing. _I__need__Moony__and__mine__'__s__alone__room.__I__need__Moony__and__mine__'__s__alone__room.__I__need__Moony__and__mine__'__s__alone__room._ Glancing up, Sirius saw that the door was quickly forming in the stone and he held back a second shout of joy, though just barely. Racing inside, Sirius' eyes darted around the room, ignoring the various Remus-related items scattered about and focusing in on a large, overstuffed armchair, a small bit of parchment resting on its cushion. His excitement for the game quickly returning, Sirius grabbed the clue and hurriedly opened it to read what was written.

_The game is almost at its end, but I hope one last search will not offend. Down on fifth and straight to left, the door of four will not leave you bereft. Whisper then a word of pass; say it softly, faucets brass._

Sirius' eyes widened as he realised just exactly where Remus was referring to. _Surely__not,_ he thought. _Moony__would__never__…_ With a shrug, however, Sirius was tramping back out of the room and down the corridor towards the staircase. After all, who was he to question such an offering?

Halfway down the main corridor of the sixth floor, though, Sirius was forced to stop yet again as a very goopy and sweet-smelling Peter Pettigrew rounded a corner. His brow furrowed as he stared at his shorter friend in bemusement.

"Wormtail?" he finally managed.

Peter stopped as well and studied Sirius for a moment before answering dejectedly, "Yeah, it's me."

"What happened to you?" Sirius questioned. He stepped forward and took a tentative sniff of the dark goop. "And why do you smell like chocolate of all things?"

Peter heaved a sigh and lifted a goop covered hand to rub at his neck sheepishly. What little of his nose could be seen twisted in disgust as his hand encountered the goop that was dripping from his skin there as well. "I was hungry, so I went down to the kitchens," he answered. "Fair bit of warning, it _is_ entirely possible to make the house elves angry. They threw cake batter at me and then chucked me out."

"Ah," Sirius said. He swiped a finger over Peter's arm and popped it into his mouth, sucking the chocolate off quickly. "Even uncooked, the elves are gods when it comes to food."

Peter hummed in agreement as he began to draw faces in the chocolate covering his chest. "Any luck with Remus' clues?" he asked lightly.

Sirius grinned. "Think I've finally found him," he replied happily.

"That's nice," Peter murmured. "Well, I'm going to go…yeah." He motioned halfheartedly upwards, towards Gryffindor Tower. "I'll see you, Padfoot."

Sirius waved as Peter made his way up the corridor and around the far corner. Once he was gone, Sirius resumed his former pace towards the fifth floor. Arriving there, he offered a quick salute to Boris the Bewildered before locating the fourth door on the left. Glancing around to make sure no one else was in the corridor, Sirius leaned close to the wood and whispered, "Faucets brass."

Straightening up proudly, Sirius reached out and twisted the doorknob. It resisted and he twisted harder. Still it would not move and Sirius frowned as he released it and stared at the door as though it was the thing which had ruined all of his dreams. Better stated, his mother.

Digging his hand down in his pocket, he pulled out the correct clue and gazed at the last words. There it was in plain black ink. Moony had given him the password and Remus Lupin did not make mistakes, so why wouldn't it work?

Sirius was becoming increasingly frustrated. "Faucets brass, faucets brass, _faucets__brass_!" he repeated angrily. "Damnit! Why won't you work? Faucets. Brass. Faucets brass! Brass. Brass, brass! Brass faucets! Bloody –" There was a small click and Sirius paused in his tirade to stare at the door. After a brief moment, his eyes raised to the ceiling. _Really,__Moony?_ he thought wearily. Sticking his hand out, he gave the knob the gentlest of twists. It opened and Sirius' shoulders slumped as he stared at it in disgruntlement.

"You just going to stand out there all day or are you coming in?" an amused voice called from inside the room. Sirius' head snapped up and he took three quick steps into the room, closing the door behind him. His eyes swept the room, searching for the source of the words, but he found no one.

"I know that wasn't Myrtle, so where the hell are you?" he asked in irritation.

A warm arm wrapped around his shoulders from behind and pulled him against a firm chest. "Testy, aren't we?" Remus murmured into his ear. Sirius attempted to remain stoic, but he could already feel his body relaxing against Remus' and a small smile beginning to pull at the corners of his mouth. "I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever find me."

Sirius turned in Remus' arms and pouted at the other boy. "I would have if it hadn't been for your ruddy clues," he grouched.

Remus shrugged and removed his arms from around Sirius, sidestepping him and walking away into the centre of the room. "I thought you'd enjoy them. I suppose that means you probably won't want anything else I've got planned, either," he said indifferently.

Sirius turned so that his eyes could follow the other boy and his mouth gaped open at the words. "I – Wait! I never said that," he protested.

"Maybe not it so many words," Remus countered, "but it was very clear in your tone."

"No. It wasn't," Sirius objected in slight panic. "I want it, I promise."

Remus turned on the spot to look back at Sirius. His eyes travelled up and down Sirius' form in consideration. "I don't think you do," he denied.

Sirius nodded his head. "Yes. Yes, I do. Very much so."

Suddenly Remus was there and Sirius found his back pressed against the cool marble wall, Remus' fingers threading through the hair at the nape of Sirius' neck. "If you're sure," he whispered, his breath ghosting over Sirius skin, their lips lightly brushing. Sirius groaned, willing Remus to press closer, to connect their mouths and send Sirius spiraling down that tight tunnel of pleasure he so longed for. Remus remained where he was, however, the barest touch of their lips sending sparks racing down Sirius' spine.

Sirius wanted more. "Birthday sex, Moony?" he asked, delighting in the heat. "Bit cliché, don't you think?"

Remus' brown eyes studied Sirius for a short moment before he slowly pulled away, his leg brushing between Sirius' thighs temptingly and Sirius drooped in disappointment. "Shut up, Sirius," he said lightly. He motioned around the large room. "So, what do you think?"

Sirius' eyes shifted around the room, taking in the marble walls and floor and the pool-sized bath. "'S nice," he said. "More than I expected." His eyes settled on the empty portrait on the opposite side of the bath. "What's missing from there?"

Remus glanced up. "Mermaid," he answered. "Asked her to leave a while ago."

"Bad show, Moony," Sirius said, advancing towards the werewolf. "Ought to be ashamed of yourself, telling a lady to leave like that."

Remus huffed. "I was polite about it and she was more than happy to do so."

Sirius hummed as his nose snuffled in the crook of Remus' neck. "Why'd you decide to let me in now?" he asked.

"Figured you deserved it. You've been pestering me about it since the beginning of last year, and curious about it since you found out there was such a thing as a Prefects' bath," he said, lightly swatting Sirius away, but Sirius kept pushing his nose back in and eventually, Remus gave in, smiling slightly at the tiny noises Sirius' breath was making against his skin. "Are you happy with it?"

"That depends," Sirius murmured.

"On?"

Sirius grinned against Remus' neck. "Do I get to play with the taps?"

Remus snorted and his arms reached backwards to wind around Sirius' waist. "Sirius, love, you can do whatever you like in here," he answered temptingly. A heat-laced shiver raced down Sirius' spine and settled pleasantly in his stomach. He inhaled Remus' scent deeply, his nose still buried in the boy's neck, before pressing a soft kiss there as a place holder and stepping back.

Remus' eyes followed him as Sirius made his way over to the bath and studied the taps. "So what's what here?" he asked.

"What is it you want?" Remus asked.

"Well," said Sirius said as he thought, "they're all different colours and smells, yeah?" He glanced back at Remus and waited for his confirmation. "You like blue the best, so how about that one?"

Sirius suddenly felt a warm presence behind him when Remus crouched down at his back. As Remus leaned down to turn on the correct tap, he whispered softly into Sirius' ear, "I like black better." Sirius closed his eyes in an attempt to keep his body in check, though it didn't work quite as well as he'd originally hoped. Remus' opposite hand settled against Sirius' hip as he released the tap and straightened back into his crouch. "Anything else?"

Sirius tried to swallow to replace some of the missing moisture in his dry mouth. "I like red," he breathed. Remus smirked and his hand lightly drifted up Sirius' side as he leaned again to select the right tap. Breathing deeply, Sirius mentally cursed Remus. Much more of this and he'd be spent right there at the side of the bath.

As Remus straightened again, Sirius turned and pressed the other boy back, flat against the marble floor, connecting their mouths in the process. Remus grunted in surprise. Sirius swallowed it. His hands drifted up to cradle Remus' face, fingers curling around the small strands of hair that had grown just a bit too long. Remus' own hands travelled up the outsides of Sirius' thighs, searching for the smooth arc of his arse. When he found it, his hands squeezed and Sirius groaned into Remus' mouth as Remus began to move beneath him.

Sirius' mouth dropped away from Remus', his lips trailing soft kisses down the pale skin of the boy's neck. He wiggled down further as his hands found the bottom of Remus' shirt and lifted it up to expose the scar-riddled flesh beneath. He took his time, his lips locating every scar and kissing their expanse, Remus watching his movements with half-open eyes.

As Sirius' mouth worked further upwards, Remus lifted his shoulders and removed his shirt completely, tossing it to the side with a satisfying sound of brushing fabric. Sirius' mouth eventually encountered a nipple and he took it between his lips with a gentle suck of air, his teeth grazing over the sensitive skin. He suckled it for a few moments before releasing it and allowing his tongue to flick across it to soothe the abused flesh, Remus' chest shuddering as he moaned. After a bit more attention, Sirius moved to Remus' other side and copied his movements with the other nipple, that one surfacing from between his lips just as pink and abused as the other.

His mouth moved further up Remus' body until he connected with the boy's lips again, his tongue flicking against them until Remus parted them, allowing Sirius' entry. His hands moved down Sirius' sides, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it up and over Sirius' head. Remus' mouth moved from Sirius', travelling down his neck until he located the pulse point, his teeth nibbling at the skin lightly before his lips pressed against the skin. Sirius delighted in the feeling, a low growl escaping from his throat at Remus' attention. His blunt nails dug into the skin of Sirius' back as his hips bucked up against Sirius' thigh, and the feel of Remus' hardness almost caused Sirius to lose himself right there and then.

Pulling himself away with a deep breath, Sirius worked his body back down Remus' until his mouth came in contact with the waistband of Remus' trousers. His teeth latched on to the fabric holding the button in place and he pulled hard, the metal popping free soon enough. Sirius' hands came up and rested against the indents of Remus' hips, sliding down slowly to pull the trousers and pants away from Remus' body. His cock sprang forward as it was released and Sirius took a brief moment to simply stare at it before moving his head down to press his lips against the inside of Remus' thigh. His lips made a gentle trail up to the nest of curls just above the top of his thigh. His tongue emerged from between his teeth as he moved in to run it up the underside of Remus' prick.

Just as it connected with the skin, Remus hissed and reached out, threading his fingers thought Sirius' dark hair and pulling him away. He released a breathy chuckle at Sirius' look of confusion. "Any small amount of that, Pads, and I won't last any length of time at all," he explained softly, guiding Sirius up his body.

Sirius smirked as he settled over Remus, his hand drifting up to wrap around Remus' cock. Remus inhaled a sharp breath. "You sure about that, Moony?" Sirius asked teasingly, his hand beginning to move slowly.

"Sirius –" Remus breathed, hips jerking beneath Sirius'.

"Hmm?" Sirius rumbled as he moved his mouth down, covering Remus' and capturing any words the other might have said. Remus' movements turned more sporadic as Sirius' lips worked against his and his hand alternated between sliding slowly up and down Remus' length and gripping the base of his prick to postpone any sort of release that might come. Remus shuddered with a mixture of pleasure and torture beneath Sirius and the dark haired boy grinned against Remus' lips.

The absence of sound behind them broke through Sirius' consciousness, but he ignored it in favour of the writhing boy on the floor. Remus, however, noticed it as well and pulled away from Sirius slightly, breaking the kiss. "Sirius," he murmured, his hand reaching down to wrap around Sirius' wrist and stilling his movements, "the bath's full."

Sirius grunted in disapproval. "Who cares?" he said, neck craning to reconnect their mouths.

"_Sirius_," Remus said insistently, staring up at Sirius challengingly.

Sirius rolled his eyes as he released Remus and pushed himself back. "Fine," he huffed moodily.

Remus stood and stared down at Sirius, a smirk of amusement pulling at his lips. He leaned down and pulled Sirius to his feet as well, hooking his fingers over the waistband of the other boy's trousers and pulling Sirius forward until their chests met. "I never said we had to stop completely," Remus murmured, his hand trailing down and loosening the button. "Just that we had to stop _there_." He pulled at the trousers and pants until they fell away from the narrow hips, Sirius' own cock springing free and slapping against Remus' in its excitement. Sirius' breath caught in his chest as he swallowed back a moan.

Remus' smirk grew as he steered Sirius backwards to the edge of the pool-sized bath. "Watch your step," he whispered into Sirius' ear directly before his finger flicked lightly at Sirius' already aching prick. Sirius yelped in surprise and stumbled back, his foot meeting empty air. In his panic, he reached out and grabbed Remus, sending them both falling into the deep end of the bath.

Sirius emerged from the hot water sputtering, only to see a grinning Remus Lupin an arm's length in front of him. "You – I – can't –" Sirius stuttered out, swatting sopping hair out of his eyes before he regained the ability to speak. "Evil, no good, rotten werewolf."

Remus winked at him as he floated on his back through the water. "What're you going to do about it, Black?" he taunted.

Sirius released a low growl before he launched himself through the water, catching a squawking Remus around the waist and pulling him below the surface as their mouths locked together. Remus managed to break free after a few seconds and pushed himself back up for air, immediately swimming to the opposite side of the bath. Sirius followed him quickly, catching the boy once more just as he reached the bath wall. Sirius spun Remus around and caught the boy's lips in another kiss as his hands dipped beneath the water and hooked around the back of Remus' thighs, lifting him up and over the wall to sit on the floor. Remus released a small whine around Sirius' lips as his skin contacted the cold marble, but Sirius' tongue slipped inside his mouth and swallowed the sound whole.

Sirius' arm came up and wrapped around Remus' waist, pulling the boy close as his free hand drifted down and between Remus' thighs, his finger searching for the small pucker hidden within. When he found it, he slowly pushed a finger inside, causing Remus to whimper slightly at the pressure. As he pushed further and deeper, Remus broke the kiss, his arms wrapping around Sirius' shoulders and his face burying in the crook of Sirius' neck. Sirius placed a tender kiss at the base of Remus' own neck before he slowly started to move the finger in and out, gaining a gentle rhythm as he did so. When Remus began to respond, Sirius allowed a second finger to join the first without breaking the rhythm he had previously set. Remus' hips moved, pushing back against Sirius' fingers tantalisingly. With a slight crook of his finger, Sirius located the small bundle of nerves inside and Remus shuddered in Sirius' arms, his teeth biting into the skin of Sirius' collarbone, small moans vibrating the flesh.

Sirius smiled into Remus' wet hair and continued to work the boy loose. After another minute and one last crook of his finger which elicited another gasped moan from Remus, Sirius slowly slid his fingers out and pushed Remus back a bit, catching his lips in another kiss. Remus leaned back, bracing his weight on his hands as Sirius moved closer between his thighs to position himself. His own hand drifted down from Remus' back to grip at the boy's hip tightly. With one slow push, Sirius forced his cock past the still tight ring of muscle, stars exploding behind his eyelids at the heat as Remus hissed out a breath of air and his knees came up around Sirius' hips.

Sirius continued to push forward until he was fully inside and then he paused, allowing Remus time to adjust to the newfound pressure. Remus was still for a brief moment, eyes closed and breaths deep, but, finally, his lids fluttered open to reveal the brown irises beneath and with one small glance, Sirius knew he was ready.

Sirius withdrew to the head before he pushed himself back in, his pace agonisingly slow and careful. Remus moaned and hissed in pleasure with every move Sirius made, and as the boy began to relax more and more, Sirius brought his free hand up and wrapped it around Remus' cock, stroking it firmly, matching the rhythm of his thrusts.

Remus made a low keening sound as he pushed himself forward, his hands clutching at Sirius' back. "Merlin, Sirius," he whispered breathlessly, "faster, please."

Sirius was only too happy to oblige, his pace increasing slowly at first, but quicker and quicker the louder Remus became. His blunt nails scraped across the skin of Sirius' back desperately as the thrusts became more and more forceful, and Sirius bowed his head down to bite at the skin of Remus' shoulder. His rhythm around Remus' cock was becoming jerky and sporadic as he neared his edge and his pace increased even more. Remus' breath was emerging in quick gasped pants and Sirius knew from experience that Remus was close to his end as well.

One long stroke over Remus' cock and the boy was crying out Sirius' name in a hoarse moan, sticky white strings exploding over Sirius' hand and stomach. Hearing his name from Remus' lips and feeling the boy's muscles stretch and contract as he climaxed was all it took for Sirius to fall over his own edge. Two pounding thrusts later, Sirius' own release was washing over him like a powerful waterfall, pure pleasure and heat falling over his mind and body like the most comforting blanket, Remus' name spilling from his lips as well.

Sirius' legs gave out beneath him and he fell back into the still warm water, pulling Remus along with him. Remus pulled him back to the surface and to the edge of the bath where the water was the most shallow. He seated them against the wall, his arms winding around Sirius' lethargic body as his hands pushed wet strands of hair out of his grey eyes. Sirius smiled sleepily and sent his nose snuffling against Remus neck again. Remus merely chuckled and pulled Sirius tighter against his side.

"Best birthday ever," Sirius murmured blissfully.

Remus smirked down at him. "Even better than last year? James putting all the Slytherins in nothing but pink pants and Pete making the Squid sing, all in your honour?"

"We didn't have sex last year," Sirius answered simply.

"Touché," Remus retorted softly.

They stayed in the Prefects' bath for another hour, until the water turned chill and their skin began to wrinkle too much for Sirius' liking. As they were preparing to leave, Sirius grabbed Remus by the wrist and pulled him in for a deep kiss. "Thank you," he whispered after they broke apart.

Remus only smiled and pulled Sirius to the door, but Sirius stopped him again. "I'm not sure if we want to go out there or not," he commented, his tone slightly befuddled. "Everyone's turned into complete nutters today."

Remus' brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?" As Sirius began to rattle off a list of the odd things he had seen on his hunt through the castle, Remus began to laugh. "Oh, that? I set everyone to making a surprise party for you. It was the only way I could keep them from disturbing me."

Sirius' eyebrows rose as understanding struck. "Ah," he muttered. He thought for a brief moment before adding, "Well, I still think they're all mad."

Remus only chuckled as he pulled Sirius from the bathroom.


End file.
